The vegan thing is trickier than I thought.

I’ve been surviving for 9 days as a vegan, mostly on vegetables and quinoa, bread and chia seed pudding. I’ve reintroduced myself to oatmeal, which I haven’t eaten in years. But I’ve made several non-vegan mistakes, just out of habit I can’t seem to break. I accidentally grabbed a piece of tamago (egg) with our Seamless dinner over the weekend (I spit it out before I could swallow, though). Then at the store, someone who didn’t know I was vegan handed me a slice of turkey to taste for a party we hosted on Sunday. I ate it without thinking, and didn’t realize my crime until later that afternoon. #fail.

And let’s not discuss the anguish over coffee each morning. I’ve tried to accept almond milk as the only additive in my coffee. But it pales (literally) in comparison to my regular, thick and sweet dairy-based creamer. A friend of mine who watched me suffer through ordering breakfast and then felt guilty about watching me send back a bowl of oatmeal because it looked like it was made with milk, not water, gave me a hall pass on my coffee being vegan-friendly. “No matter what diet you’re on, don’t fuck with your coffee. Coffee is sacred.” Ah, a woman who understands me. Thank you.

I think I’m no longer vegan — consider me vegan-ish from now until Feb. 1.

Hosting a sandwich party when you’re vegan can be tricky, too, but not impossible.  On Sunday, E and I joined our most fashionable friends for a Sunday sandwich party at our friend Pippa’s house. We served up a smorgasboard of meats, cheeses, breads, and condiments for people to make their own paninis, which I happily toasted for them. It’s become a January tradition of ours—we’re able to catch up with our friends after weeks of travel for the holidays, and we can snack and gab and laugh and dance as long as the drinks are flowing.

“How are you going to host a sandwich party if you can’t eat anything?” my husband asked. A sensible question. I just had to go with the veggie options.

For one, I made a slew of vegetarian spreads for the bash—beet hummus, cilantro and parsley emulsion, red pepper coulis, and apple butter—for guests to add to their sandwich of choice.

I used the spreads for sandwiches like turkey, apple butter, and cheese similar to this one, and chicken,  avocado, feta cheese, lettuce and cilantro for guests, which were delicious. But little ol’ vegan me reached for the beet hummus, tabouleh, red pepper coulis, arugula and cilantro on a pita. And that white stuff right there, I’ll just add a little of that….doh! Dammit, why did I absent mindedly just dump a small bit of feta on my sandwich?

Ugh… I’ll just scrape the cheese off to the side and then take a bite.

God, this vegan thing is hard.

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