Boyfriends say the darndest things.
I was closing two columns at work and super stressed. Last night, we were coming back from an event thrown by my dear friend, Michelle, who actually was the person who set E and I up two years ago. We were in the cab browsing through Facebook on our iPhones, and a random funny post came up of a sign from a highway construction site that said “Beware of hookers.”
“Yeah, it’s hard to avoid them,” E replied.
I looked at him puzzled. “Um, not really.”
Then he dropped this bombshell: “Every man has slept with a hooker.”
“What?” I exclaimed. “That’s ridiculous. You’re kidding right?”
“What does that mean?!”
“Sometimes it’s hard to tell!”
“This sounded like one of those things that only happens in New York.”
“No! Everywhere! Especially Florida. Ask your friends!”
I did an informal survey. I sent a few text messages to my friends, old colleagues, even my own father. The responses I got back included:
–“I cannot confirm nor deny.”
–“No hookers, but yes, Tuesday’s cool (I had asked this person if they could do dinner next week in the same breath as if they’d slept with a hooker).”
–“I’m cheap and think of myself way too charming to have to pay money for [expletive]. Is this a domestic spat?”
–“Guys my age — I would say the percentage would be around 75-80 percent. Although when I was growing up in the Woodstock era, it was free love so no need to pay for sex back then.” (No, this was not my father’s response.)
–“Some things are better left unsaid.”
E and I debated throughout the week. It was ridiculous and almost offensive, but it was funny to debate such a silly and unproven theory. Laughing is my favorite thing to do with my boyfriend, aside from cooking. As we made steak sandwiches for dinner, E kept calling out his friends for sleeping with “working women”, even if they were happily married and hadn’t missed a Sunday in church since the 80s.”You’re joking,” I said. I laughed. A lot.
Listen, we really don’t believe that all men sleep with hookers (I know E hasn’t). I think E did this more just to make me laugh. Whenever I’ve been stressed at work, I think about this unproven theory, and the thorough research I undertook to prove it. Relationships aren’t supposed to be serious all the time. Neither is work, or life in general. Hookers helped me to remember that.
1 pound sirloin steak
2 challah rolls
1 potato, sliced
1 shallot, chopped
2 cups canola oil
1 cup red wine
lots of black pepper
lots of sea salt
1/4 cup sherry vinegar
1/3 cup red wine
1/4 cup apple cider
1 tablespoon butter
1 tablespoon crumbled feta cheese
1/2 red onion, sliced
Season meat with salt and pepper. In a medium sized skillet, sear steak, one minute each side. Remove from heat. Slice into thin sandwich sized strips and place aside in small bowl.
Then make a basic deglaze sauce with shallots: take chopped shallots and brown in the bits from the steak. Cook for about 3 minutes till lightly browned, and turn off the heat briefly. Add sherry vinegar, then turn the heat back on. Stir with wooden spoon, and reduce for about 2 minutes. Then add red wine and apple cider. Scrape the pan to get all of the brown bits up from the pan and mixed in with the shallots and wine. Stir vigorously for about three minutes. Reduce heat. Then add about a tablespoon or two pat of butter to the sauce. Stir vigorously for two minutes. Then turn off heat, season with salt and white pepper.
In a small mixing bowl, toss steak strips in sauce. Assemble sandwiches by layering romaine lettuce, feta cheese and red onions steak inside buns or roll. Close roll and serve.
To make homemade chips–thinly slice potatoes with a mandoline to get evenly sliced potato thins. Fill up a deep pot or skillet about half way with canola oil (this could be as much as 2 cups of oil). Place chips in oil for about a minute, remove and dry on a paper towel lined plate. Then place chips into the oil one more time for a minute. Remove and dry on paper towel lined plate.
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