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Boyfriends say the darndest things.

I was closing two columns at work and super stressed. Last night, we were coming back from an event thrown by my dear friend, Michelle, who actually was the person who set E and I up two years ago. We were in the cab browsing through Facebook on our iPhones, and a random funny post came up of a sign from a highway construction site that said “Beware of hookers.”

“Yeah, it’s hard to avoid them,” E replied.
I looked at him puzzled. “Um, not really.”
Then he dropped this bombshell: “Every man has slept with a hooker.”
“What?” I exclaimed. “That’s ridiculous. You’re kidding right?”
“I swear!”
“Have you?”
“Probably.”
“What does that mean?!”
“Sometimes it’s hard to tell!”
“This sounded like one of those things that only happens in New York.”
“No! Everywhere! Especially Florida. Ask your friends!”

I did an informal survey. I sent a few text messages to my friends, old colleagues, even my own father. The responses I got back included:
–“I cannot confirm nor deny.”
–“No hookers, but yes, Tuesday’s cool (I had asked this person if they could do dinner next week in the same breath as if they’d slept with a hooker).”
–“I’m cheap and think of myself way too charming to have to pay money for [expletive]. Is this a domestic spat?”
–“Guys my age — I would say the percentage would be around 75-80 percent. Although when I was growing up in the Woodstock era, it was free love so no need to pay for sex back then.” (No, this was not my father’s response.)
–“Some things are better left unsaid.”

E and I debated throughout the week. It was ridiculous and almost offensive, but it was funny to debate such a silly and unproven theory. Laughing is my favorite thing to do with my boyfriend, aside from cooking. As we made steak sandwiches for dinner, E kept calling out his friends for sleeping with “working women”, even if they were happily married and hadn’t missed a Sunday in church since the 80s.”You’re joking,” I said. I laughed. A lot.

Listen, we really don’t believe that all men sleep with hookers (I know E hasn’t). I think E did this more just to make me laugh. Whenever I’ve been stressed at work, I think about this unproven theory, and the thorough research I undertook to prove it. Relationships aren’t supposed to be serious all the time. Neither is work, or life in general. Hookers helped me to remember that.

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Oh come on, every guy has slept with a hooker or four in their day. And when I say every guy, I really do mean every red-blooded male from Charlie Sheen to the pope. In fact, my own father even took me to a brothel at 14 years old to lose my virginity. OK that’s a lie. (…Or is it?)

This sandwich was delish. Sauce was maybe a little too sweet — my fault. You know what would’ve been great, though? Swapping out the cider with a store-bought demi glace.

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