Last night I went to dinner with 3 of my good girlfriends, my major fashion executive friends Stacie and Stephanie, and DJ Kiss, who is a major DJ here in New York. We hadn’t seen each other since before the holidays, and it’s always tons of laughs and a late night when we do.

Stephanie is single, but Stacie is married with two kids and Kiss celebrated her three year wedding anniversary to her husband, DJ M.O.S., (yup, he also DJs!) the night before our dinner. We asked Kiss if she was still enjoying married life. “Of course! I’m obsessed with my husband! Obsessed!”

Stacie, who has been married about the same time, responded, “I feel the same way!”

That’s what you’re SUPPOSED to feel, particularly only after a few years of marriage. But I write about the entertainment business for my day job, and each day I write headlines of couples breaking up or filing for divorce after just a few months. It’s refreshing to hear two women talk about loving their mates in such an uninhibited way. Particularly because I feel the same way about E.

I could just stare at E for hours and watch him do simple tasks like work on the computer or water the plants. I find him fascinating, I find the way he does things fascinating, even if he doesn’t do them the way I would do them. I study him, not because I think he’s an animal at the zoo, but because I want to know every single thing about this person that I love so much; his likes, dislikes, what makes him laugh, or upset.

It was this feeling about E that motivated me out of bed this morning after my girls’ night out dinner to make E lunch. We cooked up salmon the other day, and I made salmon salad with the leftovers. A light salad with celery and green peppers, stacked between pumpernickel, packed in a Tupperware for my honey. Sandwiches make him happy, and I’m obsessed with making him happy.

While I love E, my obsession with him doesn’t mean I’m not obsessed with myself. It doesn’t mean I don’t do things for myself or I only do things that E does. Same for my friends, who have high powered careers, interesting hobbies, entertaining friends and still leave their mates at home from time to time to enjoy themselves out on the town. And E’s not the only one I cook for—I make myself lunch, with some of the foods on the Forbidden Foods list, when I’m making E a sandwich.

You can be obsessed with your mate, but you can’t lose yourself in the obsession. If you do, you won’t be happy, your mate won’t be happy, and you’ll forget to make a damn sandwich for yourself. And I can’t imagine a worse thing to be than unhappy and hungry.

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