Ham and cheese is a good sandwich. Ham with spreadable fromage blanc, honey and caramelized pecans is a great sandwich. That is, if you know how to make carmelized pecans successfully.

Ham seemed like a good idea for a sandwich on a beautiful spring day. We found this amazing lavender goat cheese that was spreadable like butter at Forager’s, and honey went perfectly with it. “Let’s add caramelized pecans, for crunch,” E suggested. Why not?

While I hit the kitchen to get to work on caramelizing pecans for the first time ever, E hopped on the computer in his office. He’d just made caramelized pecans for a lamb dish he made a few days ago, but I had not. When I asked him how to cook the pecans, you think he came out of that office to help me cook them? Nope. “Google it!” he said.

I did. and I found the one recipe that doesn’t say to add water or corn syrup to the mixture. Butter and sugar, that’s it. But when I followed the woman’s tequnique in the video, the sugar didn’t melt down as much it needed to, though the nuts were still somewhat candied. When E saw them, he looked concerned.

“You should have dissolved the sugar first, then added the pecans,” E said.
“Well if you were such a pro, why didn’t you just show me how to do it? Or at least tell me the instructions?”
“There’s some good techniques on the Internet I’m sure.”
“I found THIS recipe on the Internet!”
“Oh. Well. Uh…”

I grew frustrated with the computer programmer’s answer to everything while he stared at my sugary pecans. “The answer to everything is not on Google!” I said, and stormed away.

That’s one idiosyncrasy about E. He thinks all knowledge can be found on the Web. He doesn’t text directions or addresses when we’re meeting at a restaurant, he just sends you a text back: LMGTFU. As in, let me google that for you.

You want to know who was that guy who played that uncle in that one movie, E Googles. How to keep my iPhone from crashing? Google. What’s the warranty on our vacuum? Yup, the G word. I wouldn’t want my doctor to Google my symptoms before he tells me what’s wrong with him. I want him to consult a medical journal or ask another freaking specialist, or I don’t know, perhaps KNOW THE ANSWER!

I just would have liked E to take a break from the computer or phone or iPad and actually walk me through the information. That would have shown me he actually cares about helping me with a problem.

Or, perhaps the next time E wants a sandwich, I’ll just tell him to ask Google to make him one.

by