It was a beautiful weekend in Brooklyn, a perfect one to clean out our closets, throw out old condiments in the refrigerator and shred some bills. Spring cleaning was upon us!

The first thing on our agenda was throwing out some of my old electronics that I had kept in the closet for months. Actually, years. Well, for one white iBook computer in particular…DECADES.

E, my computer programming boyfriend, knows how to maintain his electronic life so to always have the latest and greatest gadgets on hand. When a new version of a phone or computer is released, he gets the new goods and trashes or donates the old. I, too, like my toys. I jut don’t know how to throw them away.

See what’s missing? Yes, the “C.”

Then my mom gave me her 12-inch Powerbook G4, which I used for a while on days when typing on that iBook G4 with the missing “C” was too annoying. It was around that time that I met E, and a year later when we decided to move in together.

On my last night in my old place, I packed up what was left underneath my bed and realized I still had the two old white laptops under my bed.

My collection of Apple computers. None of them functional, all of them still in my closet.

“YOU STILL HAVE THOSE?! WHY?!” E yelled, his mouth agape. “I can’t believe I’m dating you! I can’t believe I’m going to LIVE with you!”

Guess the old adage “you never really know someone until you live with them” was coming to life. And here, hours before we were to be roommates, E was learning that I was an electronics hoarder.

I promised him I’d throw out the computers before we moved. I looked for a computer recycling bin or facility, but the one in Manhattan was only open on the weekend after we were due to move into our new place. I figured I’d take them with me until that designated weekend. Meanwhile, I bought ANOTHER computer because I couldn’t bear to bring out that silver mini Powerbook out of storage. So now I had 4 computers in the house.

Time went on. The weather got warmer and we bought more furniture and hosted parties and went away on trips and then work got busy and then the holidays came and went and then more trips and well now it’s spring and we need to tidy up this place a bit. Oh, wait, are those computers still sitting in our front closet a year later?

Yes, they had. Until E saw them.

“We are throwing those out today,” E declared. He looked up where the nearest computer reycling drop off was. Prospect Park, Brooklyn. We hopped in the car. “We can stop off at Fairway on the way back.” That gave me motivation to toss the trash.

E carried the computers out to the garage. “Why have you been holiding on to these so long? They don’t work!”
“No, one will still turn on!” I urged.
“Are you kidding?” he laughed. “I’m going to make SURE these are dead.”
He swung the bag high in the air, and then let the bag crash onto the ground so all four laptops clanged together and shattered on the concrete, guaranteeing even more keyboard buttons had now popped off.

We climbed into our car. E looked up the address for the drop off site. We sat. And then, E cursed. “DAMN IT! The drop off is TOMORROW.”

We went to Fairway anyway, and picked up goods for dinner and snacks. When we came ’round the cheese section, a nice fella let me sample something called the drunken goat, which is what I often think E resembles after a few glasses of Johnny Walker Black. It was delicious, tangy and soft enough to melt down perfectly on a grilled cheese sandwich. We had basil growing in our herb garden and fig butter at home,and E had used the gift certificate at Williams-Sonoma I got him for Valentine’s Day to buy truffle butter. Done.

The computers are still sitting in our trunk. Perhaps they’ll stay there for another year.

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